Blog is asleep. Post porn.

>People have read my blog while masturbating

As it turns out, my post about the name of porno's has gotten a bit of traffic from people looking for those porn movies. Apparently 10 people found this blog from googling "Mama's sloppy beaver."
When I noticed this, I laughed until I cried.

But, besides that, I haven't really got much to post about. I still need to get around to writing about shit from the past, but I'm a lazy cunt.
Recently my days have been getting increasingly boring. I have nothing at all to do, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
I've been playing Wii Sports a lot recently. As it turns out, 1 hour of Wii Boxing can  burn 300-400 calories. Plus it's fun shit. Nothing is more satisfying than knocking a nigga out with a 3 hit combo.
Speaking of niggas, Wii Sports makes no attempt to properly link races to names.
>White guy named Tyrone
>Black guy named Hiroshi
Also, I tried taping the Wii-Mote to my foot and play the boxing as kick boxing. It didn't work.

Anyway, here is some Youtube videos I made awhile ago.

Also, my good friend Hatt made a blog. Check that shit out: http://basedhatt.blogspot.com/

Random thoughts I've had (Why I need mental help)

Do you think the day before Columbine happened, those 2 kids were cracking jokes about it to unsuspecting people?
Like, if a teacher got mad, they could have went "Don't shoot me!" or said things like "Tomorrows gonna be a blast!"


 Imagine if like, some kid wanted to shoot up his school, but he didn't have a gun
So like, for years, he just goes through the most brutal training in the world.
And one day, he just runs through his school beating everyone to death in one punch.
That'd be cool.


They should have a game show called "Guess that pornstar"
You are shown pictures of pornstars one at a time, and if you get their name correctly you get money. 
But the trick is that the show is on TV, so to win the money you basically have to admit you watch unhealthy amounts of porn


What if one day, you took a shit, and then your balls hurt, and you looked into the toilet, and you shit out your balls?



In other news, THANK YOU BASED OBAMA 

Halloween and TV porn

So, for Halloween I wanted to be the cheapest, yet funny thing I could think of.
My immediate idea was a ghost. So I bought a white sheet, cut out eye holes, and put it over my head.
My school allows people to come in dressed in costume, so what could go wrong, right?
As it turns out, a lot, considering wearing a sheet makes you look like a Klan member.
Anyway, when just like, 10 minutes after getting to school they made me take it off. Not because of the whole Klan thing, but apparently because it covers my face.
But, me having to take it off before a lot of people saw me spread a rumor that I was dressed as a Klan member. One of my teachers confronted me about it, but it all ended up well. I spent the rest of the day watching porn and crying because I have no friends.

Anyway, on to the TV porn. The other day I saw one of those advertisements telling parents to block the Pay-per view porn channels, so of course I immediately opened up the guide and looked at the channels.
TV porn has the funniest names ever, here are some examples:
"Bad girls eating pie"
"Craving Black Dongs"
"Making Kidneys shift"
"Brotha Busted in me"

"Stick your dong in my tight box"

"King Dong goes deep"

"Penetrating your mom"

"Mama's sloppy beaver"

"Give mom the footlong"

"Chocolate treat"
And, the best one:
"Black Beaver Bang" 
 

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My dick disease

Ok, so basically, I have Eczema, on my DICK.
I'm not exactly sure why this happened, I can only assume it's stress related. It's also on my face, both arms, both legs, and both nipples.
It made my cock look really white, I thought someone made a paper-mache cast of my dick.
It also broke the skin and hurt like a bitch.

Anyway, I'm going to a dermatologist soon, because it continues to spread even though I've been putting special lotion on it. I'm also going to see a Psychiatrist soon, because my family thinks I may have depression or some gay shit like that.
There's no such thing as too much information.



Also, my father spread a rumor that my mom is a prostitute (They're divorced.)
He told all her friends and some people who go to her clinic.
He is even telling them a specific escort company, "Purrfect escorts"
I laughed when my mom told me this, which wasn't the best thing to do.

Also, this blog got 51  pageviews so far, which is about 54 more than I expected it to, especially since I haven't advertised this anywhere. Ya know, you if you read this, and happen to find something funny, you could always like, show the blog to a friend, if you want...

That time I was afraid I'd get raped to death by a fat black woman

>On public bus
>Alone
>No one in the whole bus
>Sitting near back 
>Someone gets on
>Fat black girl
>Dark as night
>Fat as hell
>She looks like a burnt pancake with a face and feet
>She walks passed every fucking empty seat
>Sits next to me
I was terrified

I got off the bus at the next stop.

Some random stories (1)

Before I tell these pointless stories, I just wanted to say I enabled Anonymous commenting. I know that no one reads this blog, but still.

>Download .ZIP about pokemon distribution
>Open the readme.txt
>First line reads "LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS TO DEFEAT THE HUNS"


>In car
>It's raining and shit
>Have to get to house
>Don't want to get too wet
>Grab towel
>Wrap it around my head
>Yell "We muslim now"
>Other pedestrians turn and look at me
>Run to house Muslim style


>On bus
>Phone starts acting weird
>It turns into a transformer
>It tells me I am the chosen one
>Black out
>Wake up on my kitchen floor
>Im hugging a toaster
>It starts making sounds
>I understand them
>I can speak toaster

>It tells me it wants sexual pleasure
>Stick my dick in it
>It starts to burn
>It gets stuck
>3rd degree dick burns
>It wasnt a toaster
>It was my cat

The first of many school related posts.

I don't so much outside of school, besides furious masturbating and video games, so a lot of my posts are gonna be about school. Here's the first

>In school
>Decide to look in text book
>Come across one of those "Turn to this page" things
>Turn to page 24
>Turn to page 53
>Turn to page 36
>Turn to page 78
>Turn to page 70
>Turn to page 111
>Turn to page 19
>Turn to page 45
>This shit is taking forever
>Finally reach the last page
>All it says is "Hi!"
>Erase it
>Write "Jews did 9/11"
>Close book

 

>tfw you will never live in a dog house

Ok, so, I decided to make this blog.
It's not really based around anything, other than me posting things I find funny, usually shit that happens in my life.
Anyway, enough with the introduction, time for the first (hopefully) funny post.

My mom used to live in a dog house. A dog house. You know, the kind dogs live in? She didn't even live in her own dog house. She shared the dog house with two other people.
Three people, living in one dog house.
But the story isn't over yet. The dog house got raided, by the police. I honestly kind of wish this wasn't serious. Apparently one of the dog house occupants was selling cocaine out of the dog house. My mom said the police "Surrounded" the dog house, which couldn't have been too fucking hard.
They wound up knocking the dog house down.

(I made this picture, super fucking neato, right?)

Also, a little list of shit I want to post about in the future:
>My dick infection
>Some shit about school
>The time I dated a psycho
>Random bullshit about myself
>A post about some girl I liked