My art 101 class had this assignment where we needed to bring in a piece of "art" that wasn't art. Some guy brought in a meme about weed and explained to our teacher is concept of memes and "dank memes" while I sat in the back laughing my ass off

Some girl in my class is telling my psych teacher she wants to buy her turtle clothing and he sounds baffled

I probably would have dropped out of highschool had they not offered me food everyday

I don't get why my friends ask me to not make suicide jokes
If you don't like suicide jokes why do you even talk to me?

The only funny thing about Amy Schumer is that she thinks she's attractive

Why does every parent refer to their kid as shy?
Like your kid isn't shy he fucking screams in public

When I have music playing my phones wallpaper is the album cover. So sometimes it looks like my wallpaper is a man on fire.

My resting expression is "Im looking for my next victim"

It's same-sex cannibalism gay? I think it's kinda gay

When you fart at a bus stop and need to hope the bus becomes before someone else walls up to the bus stop

I got caught in the rain on my way to school and its so cold in here my nipples could be used to cut diamonds

Why are people who play Nintendo games inherently better people than those who play other games?

Public transportation smells like what I assume the internet would smell like

I'm in an art 101 class. Everyone is fat, the one guy is noticeably gay from miles away, and some guy with a pedo stache just spontaneously folded an origami swan.

People discuss coffee like it's fucking drugs or something and as someone who doesn't drink it, it weirds me the fuck out.

I started making a PB&J before realizing I was out of jelly do now I've spent like 30 fucking minutes trying to eat this fucking peanut butter sandwich and its horrible

If I don't get some cake today I'm not making it to my next birthday