This pop tart is stale I should probably End It All

I just farted into a fan and I like fucking gassed myself holy shit

The Chinese food takeout box says microwave safe but I don't trust it

I cut the roof of my mouth on an extra crispy chicken wing about 7 hours ago and it still hurts

I don't leave a water fountain when I'm no longer thirsty, I leave when I feel like it'd be awkward to drink any longer

What is it about chef boyardee that just screams depression

The loudest shit I've ever taken was in a movie theater bathroom. Room shaking.

I just took a really loud shit