I can't believe I watched To Catch a Predator for 2 hours yesterday

Showering is just a meme invented by Big Hydro to get your money. Don't buy into it.

Grandma got run over by a Reinhardt

If you are what you eat, doesn't that make all eating cannibalism?

Someone used a drone to cheat at Pokemon Go but that sounds expensive so I'm just gonna tape my phone to a Roomba and set it free

Dear guy who owns the Pokemon Go gym of the mall near my house: Fuck that shit you can have it I'm not fucking with a Dragonite

My life's dream is to be the guy in the background yelling World Star

Musical comedy is a sin against humanity

I think my phones racist because it can't get the racial emojis. People tell me it's because it's old, but that's no excuse for being racist

Complaining about the DMV, I feel like an adult now

If you've ever made an "electronic remix" of a rap song, please knife yourself

I can't remember the last time I've made a post that wasn't typed up on the toilet

I hope Trump picks the lead singer of Smash Mouth as his VP

I have facial hair because I'm too lazy to shave

Reminder that the original Nintendo DS came out 12 years ago

" I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" is my favorite anime

My favorite meme has got to be the one where my fucking bus doesn't show up when it's supposed to. Fuck

Lil Caesars pizza should be classified as a war crime

I once asked a friend the weirdest place he's ever masturbated and he responded "On top of my fridge"

This pop tart is stale I should probably End It All

I just farted into a fan and I like fucking gassed myself holy shit

The Chinese food takeout box says microwave safe but I don't trust it

I cut the roof of my mouth on an extra crispy chicken wing about 7 hours ago and it still hurts

I don't leave a water fountain when I'm no longer thirsty, I leave when I feel like it'd be awkward to drink any longer

What is it about chef boyardee that just screams depression

The loudest shit I've ever taken was in a movie theater bathroom. Room shaking.

I just took a really loud shit

I have a paper to write but I just took a really uncomfortable shit and its hard to focus

Sitting alone practicing my dabs just in case

I wanna go to the store but I don't wanna put on pants. Send help.

How do I win over a girls heart with memes?

I just got a test back with a negative grade on it. I got a negative 4

Eating ass is my favorite meme

I can't wait until I get home so I can take a big shit

"Antidepressants that don't take away the joys of maaturbation?"

The quality of a show is directly proportional to how many people die in it

The current human interaction meta is based entirely on emotions. Personally I main the 😮 face.

I can't check twitter in public anymore because it's now 90% porn

I am angry.
ANGRY ABOUT SPLATOON.

My ideal girl is short, black, and with a dick