I didn't wear pants all Christmas

My Christmas dinner is Chinese takeout

Tbh my favorite part about this time of the year is the Christmas themed hentai

https://youtu.be/yO7MWuJ7zLA

Why are presidents always charmasitc guys with families? We need a fat mess who doesn't know how people work because he spent the last 50 years memorizing law books and running economic simulators

Space Jam but instead of basket ball players, pageant dogs

My prediction for the Smash announcement is Wolf and a XCX character. Calling it now.

I wish we could favorite memes cause I need the eggplant emoji on command

My ex didn't like Kanye West so it's probably for the best we broke up

Just farted on my moms pillow. Take that, bitch

I don't send dick pics I send dick mp3s

Space Jam but rap battles instead of basketball

Once Minecraft for WiiU comes out I'm joining a competitive Minecraft clan

The other day I heard someone get called a "meme machine" and I'm still jealous

Are Ben Carson and Hannibal Buress the same person? Serious question

I missed the latest semi annual white people meeting. Can someone tell me what the "Shorts in 0 degree weather" thing is about? Thanks

People with the same haircut as me like to acknowkedge me on the street like we have some sort of connection and I'm not feeling it

I'm under a bridge and some guy is doing pull ups on a random metal bar sticking out of the wall and its the most ghetto thing imaginable

Ever have somewhere to go so you try to take a shit real quick but the shit just doesn't stop coming? That's me whole I type this

Whenever I met someone new, instead of introducing myself, I should open with "do you like 2chainz"

I get my clothes from a really high end fashion store called walmart

Anyone who tries to hold a conversation with you through a bathroom door while you're taking a shit needs a good shot in the face