I put my friends into tiers. I feel like if I told a psychiatrist that they'd put me on a bunch of fucking medications.

If I try to use swype on my phone to type "gay" it interprets it as "gaaay"

Those weird religious people who hand out pamphlets stepped their game up and gave me a whole book

I once heard someone say "The dumbest Republicans are dumber than the dumbest Democrats, but the smartest Democrats aren't as smart as the smartest Republicans"
Where are these "smart Republicans" you speak of any why are none of them running for president?

Just an observation, anyone who uses a messenger bag instead of a book bag has a lot of fucking issues.

The only thing that can get me out of bed is food. I am officially the lowest form of human life.

Fetishs are kinda like reverse phobias

I usually gauge people by seeing how much I can curse in their presence before they say something about it

Speech to text seems really cool until its 7 a.m. and I'm yelling Space Jam in my phone

I think my mom is secretly gay

My life's goal is for people to write homosexual fan fiction about me

Imagine all the memes that'll be made if trump wins.
A vote for trump is a vote for memes.

I tried doing some soul searching. All I found was a half eaten slice of pizza.

All of my friends are creating interesting things and I'm just sitting here writing posts no one reads.

I don't trust websites where the "sign up" button is bigger than the "log in" button

Why do video game skies look better than real life skies?

If I ever heard someone say "Peanut butter and jam" I'd punch them in the fucking mouth.

I just spent about 5 minutes in front of a pot, waiting for water to boil, until I realized the stove wasn't on.

Final Fantasy XIII needed several discs to store all that disappointment.

If I click a video and it has Call Me Maybe playing in the background, I stop watching the video.

http://imgur.com/eBFNlBg
My mom bought a minion cupcake.

Destroying that robot was the most philly thing to happen in the history of philly.

It's 2:00. I just looked at a text from 1:30 and thought "Damn, that was 70 minutes ago?"